On being a vegetarian (aka being extremely awkward)

So for those of my many readers that don't know I am a vegetarian, I have been for about four years. I can imagine you reading this and being desperate to cancel the tab and read someone else's irrelevant opinions on anything over than being a vegetarian. Also by writing a blog about being a vegetarian I leave myself open to a whole heap of jokes, so I will try my best to be light hearted!

The reasons I became vegetarian are numerous. One day I looked at my dog and considered if I should eat it. Surprisingly I came to the conclusion if no. As delicious as my dog looks she is not edible. The second reason why is because I heard neat is murder and because I hold Morrissey in such high esteem I decided to follow in his footsteps. Obviously the longer my vegetarianism went on the more I learnt about why eating dead things is wrong ;). Also, I had a dream in which Lisa Simpson imparted on me why eating animals is wrong.

Of course this is a lie.

Day to day I encounter very ignorant people (not just about eating animals, for example the other day someone tried justifying racial segregation to me). My favourite question is do you eat chicken or fish? NO I DO NOT BECAUSE THAT DOES NOT MAKE ME A VEGETARIAN! When people ask me why I would do such a terrible thing as being a vegetarian I reply because of you eat death you emit dear, good old Buddha.

Prepare your self for a potentially amusing anecdote...

So last week I met my girlfriends dad and he took is out for a meal. Now you must bare in mind he had the appearance of a man that eats nails for breakfast, not finger nails but nails of the steel variety. He ever so kindly suggested us eating numerous dishes buffet style. Naturally he selected heavy meat based dishes. I cowered away under my chin and muttered the most dreadful words 'I'm a vegetarian'. Because of my muttering he did not hear what I said, so I had to repeat, I am a vegetarian. This was greeted with the indelible response of 'oh that's interesting'.

Oh that's interesting. The half hearted response I get to most of my actions.

I'm well aware of the condescending tone of this post so I will end with a joke my housemate told me.

Why should you always take an elephant on holiday?

Because he always remembers his trunks!